Just Another Friday Night

Many things occurred today.
Biology Midterm - I don't know how well I did, hopefully well.
Turning in CEEGR homework - Fucking frustrating... talked to professor for almost more than an hour... I'm hopeless in academics @_@
Party at the wayward house - short lived, but loads of fun playing street fighter, downing dick's burgers/fries, and taking shots of tequila.
Currently - chilling at Rachel's cousin's residency, and having a warm sick feeling inside my stomach >.<

Wishing - for something more in my love and intimate life.

Wanting - to watch a movie or two with Rachel, but I think she's too tired to do so.

oh well...
Ingats.

Let Me

Share this sun with you.
The cool breeze blowing through.
Light that envelopes leaves of trees and flowers.
Songs orchestrated by avians of this world.
Share with me the passion ignited by the touch of nerves.
The warmth that emanates from your deepest core, let it be what comforts us in the cold.
Seek with me, the motions of nature and the twinkle of the heavens.
May we lay under the ethereal plane in which we long to return.
Exchange with me that which beats gives life.
Let us converse with words spoken by those of truth and heart.
Covet the keys to my prison, for they belong to you.

Dreams, may they stay dreams. For dreams are reserved for the hopeless.
Let us make a reality fit for those who feel. A reality that may never be extinguished by dismay.
Jump in a puddle to show the ripples of our affection, may it be disturbed by our very decisions.

Let cliche, nonchalance, and chivalry by our guides. For what has been said may not have been said any better.

We Can't Have What We Want

Or is it, we want what we can't have. I guess that's just turning the sentence around. Still... it makes sense either way. Am I obsessed with this idea we humans call love? I guess I am, after all more than 90% or so of my blogs relate to love and the idea of it. I make my life sad. I search for heartache. I prevail in all of these.
It says on my iTunes that the number one song most played (with a 276 play count) is Broken by Secondhand Serenade. I guess that was all during the summer last year where I could not get enough of that song because I was told it was the song that reminded someone of us. I suppose I was a fool to believe such a thing. Now that I listen to any songs by Secondhand Serenade I quickly reach for the "Next" button in search for a song that would not evoke memories of a hurtful past.
I want to move on, but I don't have the confidence to do so. Afraid that I will never become as close as I have already. I understand that it is all a one-way street, despite it all I still continue driving down this road that leads to nowhere. I think that's all there is to it; I possess no confidence, I reserve little to no respect towards myself, I grew to believe in the idea.

Tell me what you want from me
Without you my whole world is falling apart
And I'm going crazy
Life's a prison when you're in love alone

Can you help me?

Worlds can be shattered by a mere sentence, by a mere word, by a mere gesture, by a mere emotion...

Living in a dream that I wish would come true.




Delusions of a desolate future.
False love under true emotions.
Tell me your true name and I'll show you my true nature.
Don't give me a quiet mind, give me a mind filled with clamor.
Passionate embraces fueled by empty emotions.
Elation will never reach its zenith as we are.
Let the tides ebb in our passionate seas.
May restraints of morals be lost in this clash of lust.
Dejected by a sentence of reality.
Fall I may, grow we shall, to what unknowns the world bears.

All That I've Got

If I could just find a way
To get inside your heart
I would be the luckiest guy
If I can just be the one
Who'll be by your side
Just a chance to feel what it's like

And i'll do anything
To be in his shoes
Coz I know I could give even more

Chorus:
Baby this love, it's all that i've got
More than diamonds and pearls
And all the wealth in this world
Baby this love, it is all that i've got
But I know it's gonna last forever, and ever

(oohh love, is all that i've got)
It's all that i've got

Standing outside your world
Wishing you'd let me in
And i'd show you what my love can bring
Helplessly hoping you'd give me half a chance
Coz I know i'm just one step away

And I live in a dream
That I wish would come true
Waiting for a happy ending

Repeat chorus

(forever and ever)
I may not have too much to give
But how can you stop feeling so strong
All I ever want to be
Is right by your side
(right by your side)
Right by your side

Repeat chorus

- 17:28

Poop

It sucks to have intimate feelings for someone and then help them with that person's own personal love life. Giving them advice and comfort, it hurts.
I wish I could move on from it all.
I wish I was strong enough to do it.
I wish I loved myself more, maybe then I wouldn't have made such mistakes.
What is the trick to loving yourself?
I guess I don't understand it too much.
Perhaps I don't love myself because the person who I seem to love thinks of me as something that I hate most in this world... I guess that's the main reason that prohibits me from loving myself completely, after all; would someone love something that they hate?
I don't know why I am doing all of this. People tell me I'm wasting my time. I tell myself I have all the time in the world.
People say there are more fish in the sea. I say, "Sure, there are quantity, but what about the quality?" You wouldn't want tuna that tasted like crap...

I don't know, maybe this is just a fool's love. Fooling myself into thinking that maybe, just maybe if I do enough, perhaps the tables would turn.
I suppose I should take my own advice that I've been giving twice in the past 24 hours: in all relationships it takes time and space. Give it time to grow and give each other space to breathe better. Give each other that time and space so that both of you would want each other even more. Give each other just the right amount of time and space, the love will be endless and amazing.

I don't know... i do rush things a lot, I suck at relationships. I guess when I think that there might be a possibility I tend to reach my arm out too far and end up letting it slip right through by being to hasty. I guess I'm too afraid to be alone, I want to try and be with someone as fast as I can. Oh the irony.
My love life is sad because I've made it so...

Well, I hope all of you had a Happy Easter/Zombie Jesus Day.
I hope she feels better.
I hope that we may all find the one we can grow to love.
I hope that when we do, we will never let it go...

I Live

To help others. Or at least try my best to.
I suppose it makes me happy to see others happy and because of that I want to help the people who are dear to me. Who I love the most. I vaguely remember studying the different types of happiness, and how the lower level types of happiness can never be fulfilling. I don't know what kind of happiness is mine. I'm happy inside when I see them happy. Despite the anger and hate pointed towards me, I want to endure it all just to see that smiling face. To know if what I have done for them had any positive effect.
I wish I do.
I hope I do..
I pray I do...
Maybe that's how I grow to love someone, taking care of them at their worst, or near to worst.
I guess its ok if there is no appreciation given, maybe it might be because I didn't help enough or I didn't help in the correct way. For those times, I'm sorry. Even though, please, please give me another chance to correct that mistake and help in a way that will benefit.

I suppose this is my way of trying to become Christ-like. I guess.
Or... at least my way in trying to help people...

Temptations

Are bad... they make you feel incomplete inside until you are able to satiate yourself with such pleasures. They make you dizzy, they make you want, they make you hunger for it all. Simple meditation may be able to stifle these urges, but it takes a strong mind, and a strong will to rid yourself of desires.
The elation one feels immediately after indulging into such temptation is indescribable. But like any other indulgence, a short while after you feel the sense of emptiness, a sense of loneliness. All you want afterward is more of it.
Its incredibly difficult to combat such temptations. Incredibly ironic how it is lent, fasting for 40 days or more. How was Jesus able to avoid temptation by the devil during his time of fasting? Obviously, the answer is in the bible, but being human, and one who's fallen in to sin, it is nearly impossible to defeat these temptations.
Life... is hard. It gets harder and harder as you get older and have urges for even more temptations.
I am frustrated at myself for not being strong enough. GAHHHHH. I guess the human hunger is never satiated.
I'm so dizzy, so flustered, so... uncontrolled.
I need strength, to get over this. Poops.

x.x